yaaaaaaay

3000s:

at the gym telling everyone the weights would be easier to lift if we all work together

mrnargle:

whenever my program freezes

arsonforcharlie:

egg-buddy:

gummybearattacktheworldofdespair:

I didn’t realise it was pointing up and was falling onto the camera I thought the printer was leaping at me

pov: you just asked someone to toss you your keys

tranny-fragrance:

a 12 pack of dr pepper is like a monkeys paw but instead of 3 wishes you get 12 and you can only wish for a can of dr pepper

maplecaster:

did the guys in BCE ever wonder what the years were counting down to

grox:

grox:

grox:

I really wanna go to a rave but i’m scared because I jusg so happen to have the cop body type. And i only wear black steel toes twnnis shoes becau,e i’m scared of getting my wittle feet hurt… and i really wanna smoke weed there or do some dmt or someting but i’m autistic so i don’t know the right social cues to ask for drugs so i always just ask people on the atreet if they havw drugs and they never say yes theg always leave me so im scared if I do that at the rave people will leave me… and i keep a walkie talkie in my pocket so i can always call my mommy when i’m scared…… so yeah

Not to mention the handcuffs I discreetly keep in my back pocket in case I neeed to be handcuffed to something

& I’m always shaving my head cuz i got lice

buzzcutssn:

gargoylegirlcock:

imma be real with you chief i am not buying crabs to help a company be profitable. i dont care that this website is losing money. remember when we all celebrated at how we tanked its value so bad when verizon sold it. corporate tumblr are not your friends you do not need to give them money.

donate to mutual aid groups or individual fundraisers for medical bills or something instead

dream-gate:

They’re going to run out of movies, let’s trick them into releasing morbius a third time

androidboy:

i was in the passenger seat and my girlfriend put her arm out when she made an abrupt stop and her friend in the backseat was like “aww that was so cute that you just instinctively did that!!” and it WAS very cute but i know she used to deliver pizzas. i know i was precious pizza cargo

t4tlambert:

garaks-padded-bra:

Babysitting preschool age kids rn and I find it really funny how they sometimes get hooked on completely random phrases like this 4 year old keeps adding “LUCKY FOR YOU,” to the start of Any sentence. “lucky for you, I already drank my milk.”. Are you threatening me?

pussyronin:

The LGBTQ community has forgiven Sebulba

puppyboygf:

“oooh tumbwr is in a financial deficit you need to hewp them :(” they can get my help when they stop flagging trans ppl’s fully clothed selfies